Real Confidence Doesn't Look Like You Think

SSS Podcast (00:00) Have you ever had that moment where you walk in and you're like, did they get the confidence memo that I didn't get? Because right now I'm freaking out on the inside and trying to act like I have it all together on the outside. I don't know about you, but I've had that and we're to talk about that today. But before we get into it, I want to share with you from the sugar spice and spirits podcast, our drink of the day. I'm your host, Mindy Price. I've got over here, Kelly Williams, Natalie Pilkington. And we are starting off the drink with none other than that liquid courage. Now I will say this too, if it takes liquid courage for you always to have confidence, we're probably gonna have to post a number at the end of this episode for you because that's not the best way to go about confidence. But we do have a berry confident mimosa for you brought to you by Table of Grace here in Clute. We're so excited to be trying their new location. So ladies, we've been waiting a long time for this. Very weird. Let's try it. I'm sorry. Where did you say we were? Because I'm from, you know, up north and I've... Listen, I'll tell you in a minute. I'm taking a drink. It's down south. For those that don't know, it's close to the beach. that's refreshing. That is made with fresh strawberries and champagne. And what a way to start out our day at Table of Grace in Clute, Texas. We're so thankful for Karen for having us here, as well as our friend Carol Mize and... Yeah, so wow. and their food is made fresh daily. I it is amazing. It's all homemade. We bless his heart. He came in just to pick up some sausage, gravy and biscuits this morning and we basically did the SSS attack and he's now subscribed to the podcast. So he wants to show up. appreciate you. Yeah, I wait to try the biscuits and gravy. But speaking of gravy, we're going to be getting into this episode. But before we do, I think you all know, but if you don't, you might be tuning in for the first time. I'm Mindy with Inside the WHY do speaking and coaching and consulting, business, leadership, sales, communication. That's my jam. I'd love to hear from you if you ever want to get in touch. Of course, you can go to sugarspiceandspirits.com to reach out under spill the tea, as well as my buddy over here, Natalie, the real estate guru in the sugar spice and spirits. Natalie, you want to tell them a little bit about you? Yeah. So I have coaching and I have a meetup and I just help people with their investments, with their real estate, whether they're purchasing retail or investment property and mixed use commercial apartments, multifamily residential, single family, residential, new and resale. I'm a little bit of everything, but that's 25 years of experience brings you into the whole gamut. But I'd love to help you, to take care of you. Absolutely. And Kelly? So I actually am a physical therapist, gosh, 40 years now, holy cow. I actually have a non-medical home health agency in Louisiana. I've been going strong for 27 years, very successful. Shout out to Natalie and Tracy for keeping the wheels turning on a daily basis. But it is basically just one of those areas where if you want to be a caregiver and you just feel like you can't help, you can't do it on your own, then we can provide you with some of the caregivers to get in there. I also have physical therapists, like I said, so if you ever have any questions about caregiving or just self-care, give me a shout. I'll be happy to help you. And normally we don't go in this big spiel about what we do. We typically jump right into the episode, but we thought, you know, this is an episode on self-confidence. It's something that is a trained muscle that you have to have. We all have different backgrounds for us to start this podcast and just to go for it. While she and I used to have a radio show together, we drug Kelly on the radio show with us one time and I think she thought she was just about to die. And then she kind of got the itch for it. And you have to have confidence. You have to be able to believe in yourself. And so I thought today I wanted to talk a little bit about that. I just finished a a big speaking engagement for a company where I went in and I was talking about where AI is not going to replace human leadership and where leadership really has to stay human. And it was my first time actually presenting that particular class. I wrote it for this session and I'm doing it a few more times after this. I was freaking out on the inside. I may have had a great outfit on. I may have had the posture and I was up there on stage, but you just don't know. what I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. I know if I practice but but in all seriousness, I was nervous. I still get nervous after all of these years. But I thought about what are some of the things that I do to bring myself more confidence and I want to go into that. But I'm sure you ladies have been in situations where you walk in and you're just like, do I even belong? Have you all ever felt that way? I can recall too specific. incidences when I was branding my career, I was 23, 24, and I was presenting at a spinal cord conference on, something that I would, that I was specializing in at the time as a therapist. And I walked in and it was a room full of white coated surgeons and they were all, I swear to God, they were at least 50 or 60 years old. that was old back then to me, but, and now here I am right there. But it was very nerve-racking because even though I was there to present on something that many of them didn't know what I was talking about, and that's the reason why they were there, I still had to get my mind that they're here to listen to me. Just because they have their doctorate in medicine, I have my doctorate in physical therapy, it's quite different. But yet at that time, I was still the authority. But it took me some time to regain my confidence and my composure and not... shake the whole podium while I was up there, but I finally got it. And after that first trial, the next times that I did my presentation, I did great. I did great. But yeah, definitely I looked great in the white coat before I was shaking my shoes for sure. For sure. So mine's been more in the finance, the capital raise side. You know, when you walk into a room of wealth advisors or you're walking into a room of capital raisers, it's a whole different ball game when you're dealing with SEC and FENRA I know. It's a whole different ballgame when you're one of the only females and it's if you come in with such authority then you're you're looked at as a bitch and if you don't come in with authority then you're looked at as weak. So there's a fine line that we as women have to walk and I you know it's one of those things that you have to put into place that I'm adding value and I'm here for a reason my company believes in me or I believe in myself or you fake it till you make it or as Ja'Leah says you faith it till you make it. Yeah, I absolutely love that I'm stealing that from her. Love that. But you need to put yourself in a position. I'm adding value. And how can I leave these people better? Because I am here for a reason. And not that you always have to speak. Sometimes when we're younger and even older, we think we have to speak to fill the room or to fill words. Silence is gold. And then silence is a very powerful negotiating tool. And silence is a beautiful thing, even in relationships with your significant others, your kids, like I will sit there and stare at you till I get the response I need because I want to make sure it's resonating and it's hitting with you. And if I'm not getting it, I'm okay. I'll repeat myself until I get what I need. But as a younger person, cause we have a lot of young people that listen to this podcast and I'm so thankful for you and I'm glad you're here. Kids. Young adults, you bring a lot to the table. You may not have wisdom, age, shaged wisdom like we've got from the battle scars and being on the battlefield and bringing it back. But you bring an awareness and a technology advancement in other things like who, when something goes wrong with the iPhone. I remember Brian, my boyfriend had his iPhone and he was sitting there fighting with it and we're shopping in Fredericksburg and he's like, and he's like ready to chunk the iPhone. And my daughter walks up and she's like, are you okay? And he's like, I can't get this. And she takes it five seconds later, hands it back. Like that moment of clarity and wisdom helped him so much. So there's the bridging of the gap. And I know you speak on this a lot with your speaking engagements and events that you do. But there's so much value that we can bring to each other and as youth, our brain doesn't shut off. I'm still with you guys. Our brain doesn't shut off and it's always going. So we're thinking and we're thinking we have to say something or we're thinking, what are they going to teach me? But there's a lot of sage wisdom by closing it and listening to the older people that are around you that have that experience. So to go back to owning the room and to tie it back to the topic, everybody has value and it's finding where that value can slide in and be added. And you may not have it right away. You may just be able to take from that event or take from that room, make some good connections, find a mentor, find a coach, find somebody that you. connect with that'll bring you under their wing and bring you up through the ranks, which I think you've got a fabulous story for that. But everybody has something that they can bring to the table. And so don't always go into what's in it for me or let me prove myself. But I always just say, pray God give me wisdom and give me strength, me guidance and clarity and discernment. What am I supposed to get from this? May you show it clearly and we can move forward. And I think that's a huge theme because we always think we have something to prove. Sometimes it's just a coworker or a friend that just gives you that little boost of confidence that just says, you got this. Sometimes it's a text. A lot of times before you go onto stage or something, I'll shoot you a text. You got this. You're the boss and everything. And sometimes it's just that little bit of boost that you need from from something that cares about you. Isn't that crazy? No, I tell her, take a shot. You give her a text. You're not telling her, take a shot. Let's go. That's what I do for a living. still get nervous. I would say if I don't get nervous, then I need to hang up my hat because that I don't care anymore. And but I still do get nervous. And so I was thinking about this. I wanted to talk about confidence and I want to back up just for a minute on something that you said, because I literally got chills. And this isn't necessarily a communication episode. But when you said sometimes just stopping and listening and not speaking, that is a great secret weapon to listen to really connect, not just to understand or respond. that can help you with the confidence so that you know what you're about to say. But I want to go back to walking into a room, not taking it about myself, you know, and the speaking that I do. But there were times in my career early on because at 19, I actually moved into a corporate office and I had a big marketing and training position that I was being trained for. I originally was going to school for radio TV broadcasting. I wanted to be the next Lisa Malosky sports podcasters. So I know definitely dating myself again. I love Lisa. She was so good. Lisa, you're listening. Hi. But I had to remember some of the things that my mom taught me that I belong in any room and she would always come back to me and give me that confidence. So something that really helped me know that I belong in any room that I walk into. So many of you don't know my mom. Her dad unfortunately died before she was born. Her mom died whenever she was eight. She was born in Panama and her mom actually was from Spain and my mom moved here to the U.S. She immigrated here. I would not be here if it weren't for her, thankfully. She did naturalize as a citizen. At her funeral, I read her a letter to Jimmy Carter when she went through all the processes. you know, it's actually kind of a sad story where when she moved here, she couldn't speak a lick of English and people were mean. People were jerks and there's other choice words that I would say, but I have my company shirt on too, so I'm gonna be a little good. They were rude and she wouldn't teach us. She wouldn't allow us to check any other box in white Caucasian because the way she was treated. Now over the years, she realized, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have done things differently. But when I look back at it, I was frustrated with her not even teaching in Spanish, but what she did was she instilled in us, you belong no matter what room you walk into. as long as you are a good and kind human. Every single room that I walk into, whether it's a room full of men in coats, I can remember, and I won't bore you with the details, but walking in, there was maybe 2,000 men in a financial thing that I was doing, and there were maybe 20 women. And it scared the crap out of me. And I ran to a powder room bigger than a house, y'all. This place was pretty amazing. And I was freaking out, and I had to give myself a pep talk, and I had to remind myself. you belong here. And then I was able to go out and I closed business. I met some of the most amazing people, but I had to give myself that pep talk and remind myself I belong. And so I want to say thank you, mom. I get a little teary eyed because she's like, you know, it's because of her that it doesn't matter what room I'm in. Now, she didn't teach me about speaking. I do have to get the brave, you know, room you belong in no matter what. Even if you look different than the person that's next to you and you're the only person that looks like you, it's okay. You belong as long as you're a good human. But you know what? If you're in front of a room or you're in a room full of jerks, you don't belong unless you're a jerk yourself. That would be the only time that I would say that. Celebrate your uniqueness and your individuality. that correct? I didn't roll up my tongue like I That was a cheers to that, the way. That was cheers to that. Cheers to my mom. Cheers to mom, cheers to being different and unique. think that's we don't give ourselves enough credit. And if you are in a room that you don't feel like you belong your way over your head, your skill set, whatever it is okay, because God put you in that room for a reason. God placed you there. And so maybe you're supposed to be quiet, pick up some connections, pick up some wisdom. Like you said, those rooms, I have met some amazing people. I stay in touch with those people and I have a fantastic relationship with them. It's our uniqueness that has brought us together though, because people will gravitate towards people who are different. So like the person that always wears the cowboy hat or the person that shows up always in the stilettos, whatever the bright colors your signature is, like that's your signature own it. If that's who you feel you are, but don't just do it to fit in or do it to stand out because you'll get tired of it real quick. But well, that's faking it till you make it instead of having faith. Yeah. Having faith in yourself. Right. Having faith. So, you know, oftentimes we try to fit into that box that everybody wants you to fit into. And I will say with a lot of the changes that are happening in our world right now, the beauty in being able to express yourself and who you are, no matter what, is also pretty cool. There are some things that when we did our eighties episode, we think things were so different. They were, and some of them were great. Some of them I'm so glad we're rid of. I'm so glad I didn't have cameras back then. My mom would be on like, no. Thank goodness for the small things about the 80s and the big hair. Yes. So, you know, there are a lot of things that you can do to have that confidence. We talked about the listening and but just knowing, like giving yourself a pep talk before you walk in the room, remembering you belong in any room that you walk into. and breathing exercises or something that you can do. You can literally think about who do, why am I walking into this room? Who do I want to be? What would my future self tell me? What is my goal? And then envisioning that person and going in with that confidence. There's a lot of different things you can do, but remember if anything else from this podcast, you're listening to it, you stumbled across it for whatever reason, you belong in any room. Sure. Unless it's a room full of jerks. Yeah, you don't want to fake that till you make that you don't don't think being a jerk. And unless you're going into revolutionized. and be the change that you desire to see in so-called field or so-called atmosphere, because you may really, really have a passion for this. But every day baker that bakes cupcakes is snooty. So you want to go in and revolutionize baking cupcakes, which is a skill that Some people have and some people don't, but getting into that room and changing it or making it your own is a completely separate thing. So sometimes you have to go through those struggles and tough times and it's okay to wet your pants and not literally, but go in and wet your pants. Has that ever happened? I'm gonna say anything. But go in and not talk about when you sneeze right now. That's a different episode. But when you go into that room with your goals in mind, like Mindy said, and you take note, you take stock, you take heed, who is this person? Who is that person? You're analyzing the room. You're taking mental notes. Get in the car, take notes to yourself, put it in your notepad, send yourself an email, whatever you got to do to categorize that. We create a folder in our Google Drive that is from everything, business cards, everything, everybody we meet. and we keep that connection so we remember, yes, we met this awesome person at this event. Bottom line is, don't let other people dictate your goals and dictate where you're going or your God wink or where God placed you because you're there for a reason. And it may be to close that door. You may realize I'm never baking cupcakes again. I don't like sugar. I don't like flour and I don't like sweets. I'm out. So whatever it is and however you wanna internalize that, I say always pray on it, make it yours. But listen, because sometimes you're in that room for a reason to have that door slammed in your face. And sometimes you're there to have the vision and the fortitude put into you and placed into you. And that little acorn seed is gonna be planted and watered over time. So it turns into a big tree. I think, and listening to you say that, it reminds me back when I've known Mindy for a long time. And I recently had the pleasure of meeting Natalie when we all three, end up working at the same company for a short period of time. And I was completely out of my element at that company. I had come in over education and was responsible for teaching people about real estate investing, which yes, I was a real estate investor, still am, but didn't really know how to teach people. And these two taught me a lot. But the things that I remember is that the people that were there that came to listen to the education, I was able to relate to them because rather than being a fish out of water, I let them know upfront. I have a medical background. I am not the real estate guru. I'm learning. I'm here to teach you. But I still have that nervousness about, I going to be able to teach them effectively? And do I belong here? And trying to make sure I felt worthy of my bosses and my coworkers. I'll never forget the words that you told me. I was getting ready to do my very first I guess the presentation free workshop on my own. And I took the shot. I'll admit I took the shot because I was nervous and I was getting ready. And I just said, I can't believe I'm fixing to do this. Who am I to teach these people? And Mindy basically said they're here to learn, relate to them, let them know how you got into this. And she said, and above all, and I'm going to paraphrase, you have a blankety blank, blank doctorate. You're educated just because it's not in real estate. You own it, you walk in there, you have the confidence, you're smart, you take it and you run with it. And that's all it took. That's all it took was for someone to say, you got this and keep in mind that you're always going to relate with someone out there in that audience. It may not be the person that you're looking at, but it could be the person sitting right next to them and they're just like soaking it all in. And if you knew who those people were and you could hone in on them, that will probably help boost your confidence. But. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who want to see you succeed and that's one thing that we try to always do is Lift each other up lift other women up lift other people up. It's not about the competition. It's about all of us being successful. That is another episode as well, but just owning it feeling comfortable with yourself and confident with yourself and having the people around you who can just kind of push you down that pathway is is Amazing. Yeah You're in that room for a reason. Absolutely. your reason for teaching that particular class was because you were in the place many people were. You could buy all the real estate, not all the real estate that you wanted. You already had rental property, including commercial property, but you wanted to go to the next level. That was the very beginning of where you start and then think about what you were able to do since then. So it's just incredible. But at the end of the day, you're in the room for a reason. We don't know what that reason is, but you belong. And looking internally and saying, I got this, this is what I bring to the table. There are things about yourself that lots of folks don't know. And then finding a way to share that. But no matter what, have confidence. Confidence doesn't come overnight. If you're somebody that's like, yeah, that sounds good in theory, you have to practice. It's a muscle that has to be practiced. At the very beginning of the episode, we said, I've been speaking on stages for over 20 years. and I still get nervous. It was a brand new session that I did yesterday. Thank goodness it went over really well. I just don't know is the content going to land and you got to go and I had to calm the nerves. There's a lot of things that I do that I teach my clients for calming themselves down and breathing practices and there's different tricks that you can use. Do you teach shots? No. Other people do here. One, not a bunch. One, just one. I just want to say have confidence in yourself. You've got this. No matter where you're at, you could be 75 years old listening to us saying there is something that I want to do, but I'm scared. Get it girl. Get it. Y'all. It's a confidence for us to put this podcast together because we were scared it wasn't going to be, it wasn't going to come off. Well, we were scared that the whole production, the drinking and the occasional cuss word and whatnot. And I can't begin to tell you how many people have come up to us and said, my gosh, I'm always going to do a podcast. I envy you so much. You're all doing so great and everything. And even though we're up here wondering, we are totally flying by the seat of our pants. We don't know if it's going well or not. It's going great and we're having a blast and we are owning the room, you know, as much as we can. And it's a learning curve. But this one's even starting to talk about it to strangers, which to get her to do that, we just let her take pictures because she would not talk to anybody. The next thing we know, she's talking to the parking lot attendant and she's talking to the waiter. I looked at Natalie and I was like, What is happening? She's getting that confidence. takes time and she wouldn't be where she is now with the comfort level of actually promoting our podcast. I just want to say thank you so much for listening. Thank you for being a part of what we do. If you have a drink of the day, a spirit of the day that you would like to tell us about, whether it's a cocktail or a mocktail, we would love to feature it. You can reach out to us at sugarspiceandspirits.com. You could also send us a topic. And of course, if you want to sponsor, let us know too. Like we're going there as well. Or if you've got a location you want us to come and do a live, we would love to be a part of it. I want to say thank you for listening and cheers to you. to you. And thank you Table of