The Honest Truth About Dating

Speaker 2 (00:00) Hey everybody, it's Sugar Spice and Spirits. I am one of your hosts, Natalie Pilkington. Speaker 3 (00:06) Mindy Price. Speaker 1 (00:06) and Kelly Williams. Speaker 2 (00:08) And we are out here Surfside. Where are we at? Surfside. Speaker 3 (00:12) Beach, Surfside Beach at one of my favorite restaurants, Seahorse Bar and Grill. Speaker 1 (00:16) Yes, it's amazing. Speaker 2 (00:18) So we are actually on the beach, hence the wild hair Mindy's got going on, but we have a special sip of the day. This is the Surfside Tea. So let's go ahead and try it, ladies. Speaker 3 (00:29) It's as pretty as it is, or tasty as it is pretty. Speaker 2 (00:35) Kelly's gingerly moving her hands because she's still recovering from her surgery that she's Speaker 3 (00:40) This definitely makes me feel like I'm on vacation. And it's not a Monday, by the way. Our Monday? Speaker 1 (00:46) does not suck. Speaker 2 (00:47) No. Speaker 3 (00:48) Yeah, and if y'all recall Kelly had a neck surgery and if you don't you watch a previous episode So she has mostly full movement. However, she still has a little bit of I would ailments with that Speaker 1 (01:00) coordination and dexterity is still messed up so my fingers do their own thing so sometimes they just kind of go on their own so please just if you're seeing this just ignore it Speaker 2 (01:10) If you see her gingerly drinking, just know and understand she's just trying to make sure she doesn't spill it on herself or waste a good beverage. I mean, right? Speaker 3 (01:18) But if you want to spill the tea, not this tea, not the Surfside tea, be sure that you're following us on Sugar Spice and Spirits. You can also spill the tea at our website at sugarspiceandspirits.com. Speaker 2 (01:28) Right. And if you're looking for a business or an executive coach, Mindy is your gal, a business executive and business speaker. So she does keynote speaking and will go to conventions and all over. And she's got a lot of stuff lined up this year. So check her calendar, see what's available. And Kelly is home health, non-medical. So she's in Louisiana and Mississippi in the ISS. Hi, and I'm Natalie Pilkington. I am a realtor, real estate investor, work with both investors in retail and also coaching. So we're very knowledgeable. Speaker 1 (02:04) These ladies are very knowledgeable in everything they do, yeah, don't hesitate to reach out. So 100%. Speaker 2 (02:09) And we are just here today not only to have a pseudo Surfside Long Island, but we're just going to talk about something that you guys actually seemed to like. was our episode that we did on dating. Kelly, Mindy, myself, and it was great that, where were we at? We were at the hideout. The hideout. The hideout. And we talked about dating, and so we're just gonna continue the conversation. Dating, after divorce, after marriage, after death, after life, you know, it's hard when you start that process, and it's hard when you go through it. I do wanna say, Mindy doesn't have a lot to say about dating, except for probably 30, 40, 60 years ago. She has been happily. Speaker 1 (02:49) Bye. 60 years in dog years. Speaker 2 (02:53) She's been happily married, there's cheers to that. Speaker 1 (02:57) To that, cheers to that! Speaker 2 (03:03) want to say there's value. As somebody who chose my divorce after five marriage counselors and you didn't choose yours, you were widowed, there is something to be said about fighting for your marriage and fighting for your family. And that's really what it is. So if you're going through tough times and you think the grass is greener on the other side of dating, it's not. It's not greener. It's not easier. It's just a different choice and we all have to pick our heart. And so it's picking your heart at the front end and Cody Sanchez says that. I'm going to give her a little credit on that because we're going to see her pretty soon. pick your heart. so in life, marriage, dating, kids, family, single life, you got to pick your hard and just whatever you're doing, do it well, give it your all and fight for it. So I want to put that out there. Do you have any marriage advice for anybody or any words of wisdom? Speaker 3 (03:51) So if you go back and you watch the original episode I I mentioned that I didn't think I'd have a lot to say and I ended up having quite a bit to say and One of the things that I did say is it's not sunshine and rainbows. I Absolutely love my husband But there are times that he absolutely gets on my damn nerves like it is it is a fact that happens But I do the same I mean Speaker 1 (04:12) There might be a little quid pro quo there. Speaker 3 (04:17) But it's like anything in communication. It truly is about communication and understanding how the other person communicates. And things over time, change too, Natalie. I actually was having a conversation with Travis where we had a misunderstanding in the way we used to talk about things. I had that moment of, wow, something has changed. I really need to ask more questions and understand and not assume. And we all know what happens when you assume that the conversation is gonna go the same way that it had. And so when I was able to redirect and come back and really listen to what I wasn't, You know, I always say, listen to, understand, not to respond. And I will say sometimes I do shortchange that, unfortunately, with my spouse. You get really fast in the way you go about things. And sometimes they're the ones that you don't put first when they're the ones you should put first. And when I sat down and I asked my husband and I said, hey, let's really talk about this because we're not in sync with each other right now. I don't like this feeling. It took him a minute to open up to me. And then when he did, we had the most amazing conversation. But had I not done that. we would have had a fight, we wouldn't be talking, we would be miserable, and we just decided we don't want to do that. And so the biggest thing truly is communication, and it's not one way is the right way, and it's not always going to stay that way. You will more than likely change in the way you communicate because you're growing, you're learning, you're getting older. And as you get older, you start to view things differently, you look at the world differently. So that means that there's a piece inside of you that's also... changing as well and you've got to figure that out together and then sometimes some people say well we outgrew each other and so I would just say challenging that did you outgrow each other or did you stop talking did you stop communicating so with that I would say if we didn't have those times Natalie and just let go of it and didn't try and communicate I don't think I would still be married almost 25 years. Speaker 2 (06:09) Yeah, you're not the same person you were when you got married. not. Especially when you've been together 20-something years. Your goals change, your aspirations change, your family changes. You're adding more people. Then you start adding, you know, daughter-in-law, son-in-law. You start adding grandkids. You start adding, you know, in-laws and their family. And if you're coming from a blended family, you're adding so much more. So there's so much to that. And you know, it's like... One of the marriage counselors that I said, the last one that we went to gave his point was it's like a tanker that's just off course by just a little by a degree. Off course, that tanker is not going to end up where he needs to be. So if there is an issue in your marriage and relationship, nip it in the bud, have that conversation, have those tough conversations, rip that bandaid off and work through those issues. And if your partner's not working on it or not hearing you, give it some time, give it some space. It's not going to be perfect. They may have some maturing to do. God may be working in them in a different way that isn't the way that you expected and not in your timeline. It's like we see this all the God, I need this now, I want it now. And it's not always in your timeline. So show some grace. Speaker 3 (07:18) She used to say, she would say, Lord, give me patience and give it to me now. Speaker 1 (07:25) I think one of the biggest challenges that I've noticed is three very strong women, very opinionated, very stubborn, always right. The art of compromise is huge. It's funny because having been married to someone for 16 years, you get used to that particular person's way of doing things and your communication style together. I had to learn. My late husband, anytime I would come in and I'd have my feathers ruffled or whatever, would like blah, blah, blah, blah, and he would just... very calmly, it's gonna be okay, calm down. It was more or less because whether I was right or wrong, he was like, I'm not gonna fight with you. You you're probably being irrational, which I probably was. And he passed away and then I dated a little bit and then five years later, I met my husband, I've been married for a year and we've fortunately, we've only had a few little tiffs here and there and, but he's not that. Honey, it's gonna be okay. He's that standard to me and say, you're not gonna yell at me for no reason. And I just keep going and going. And finally, one day I said, this is not the way this argument is supposed to be going. And he looked at me and he said, sorry. I've had to learn the art of compromise and realize that my style of doing things is very different, but his style of reacting is very different. And so... Speaker 2 (08:39) You Speaker 1 (08:49) whether or not you're divorced, whether or not you're dating, whether or not you're widowed, whether or not you've been single your whole life and you finally decide this is the one, you're always gonna have that clash in some form or fashion. And you have to understand at some level, at some point, that it's okay to not always come out the winner. Come out always right. Because you may lose so much. yourself and have a great relationship if you just refuse to see things from different perspectives. Speaker 2 (09:18) battle and not the war like you you may win that argument yes but over the long term what did you damage in the process Speaker 1 (09:24) Yes, because I promise you, on the reverse, I promise you, he has compromised so much for me. And I was just one of those that never backed down because my late husband never made me back down because he just calmly hushed me up. So this time around, I'm older and I'm learning the art of compromise and that's huge. mean, that's made our relationship really, really strong because he's one that does not... express a lot of frustrations. And so me being an over thinker, I'm like, my gosh, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong? And I realized it's just because if I've got a problem, you and the whole world's gonna know about it. He doesn't want to burden me with his issues, but some people don't understand by not burdening you, they're also keeping it inside. And so we've had to learn, he's had to compromise and be a little more open. with conversation because he can walk in and can look at him and say, bad day at the office, honey. And I'll just know. sometimes I've learned when just to let it go. And other times I see it bothering him so much. I don't like to see him upset. And I'm like, okay, let's sit down and let's have a conversation. Sometimes I get it out of him and sometimes I don't. And if I don't, I have to be okay with that. Because I'm like, I want this on the table. We're gonna resolve this. And sometimes he's like, Speaker 3 (10:40) I have to walk away from Travis sometimes where I'm just like, he doesn't want to talk about it right now. And then figuring out the right time to talk about it. that's hard too, because we want to solve things and make it right. you just, it goes back to that listening and also paying attention to things. You one of the, nonverbal communication tells you so much. It's not the words that you're actually saying. Like you can say words, you can say, I'm fine. We all know how that is. Speaker 1 (11:03) I'm Speaker 3 (11:03) Fine. But just watching facial expressions, watching body movement, there's so much that goes into that and sometimes it is better just to walk away and then there are other times when you know somebody's just ready to have a fight. Like I can tell you I have friends and I have seen it happen where someone's just in a bad mood and they just want to fight and I was maybe being a little turd the other night and my husband may or may not have said I feel like you're Speaker 2 (11:25) He had turned. Speaker 3 (11:30) you're feisty. man, I didn't realize it. You're right. And I apologize. was like, but for a hot minute and I was hot for a minute. was like, and then I took a deep breath. I thought about it and I was like, this is Speaker 2 (11:31) And it took, I was like, like the romance novels you didn't walk over grab you by the back of the head and like just mug down with you or anything Speaker 1 (11:51) Well, and this is a totally different episode coming up, but when you start going through hormonal changes, sometimes you do. For no particular reason, you're just like, yep, I woke up, I'm in a pissed off mood, and somebody who is the first person that walks up to me is gonna get it. For no, it's like, what'd do? You blinked wrong. Sorry. Okay, thank you, I feel better. but yeah, and that's another, like I said, another episode on the hormonal changes of females, Speaker 2 (12:12) If you feel that, go get yourself checked. Do yourself a favor. Do your family Do your spouse a favor. Because you may have all these irrational thoughts and feelings in your head and some people will want to justify your feelings and say you're right to feel that way. I'm going to tell you you're wrong to feel that way. Get yourself checked. Make sure everything is in spec and in space and you're okay in that sense, like your hormones, because your hormones jacking with you will change everything. And people want to validate women's feelings. And this is where we have a problem as a society. And I'm getting on my soapbox right here. girl. Do I'm on it. I'm on it. So what you got to do is you got to check yourself. sometimes your friends are just yes people. they do. Your friends, are they single? They're going to hype you up to be single with them so they can go to the clubs with you. If your work friends are married and they're like, you know, they're not going to tell you to go get your hormones checked because that's what people just don't say. But I will tell you as a testament, you're. mental health and wellbeing isn't just hormonal, it's vitamins, it's everything. Make sure you're taking care of yourself because for so long, when we're finally in our 40s and 50s, all of a sudden the kids are moving out, we're by ourselves, our husband doesn't love us anymore, the dog hates us, we hate our house, our life sucks, and where are we and what have we done? And then you gotta sit there and look and then you're like, oh, I'm a failure, it's my husband's fault, it's everybody else's fault, I'm crying, I don't feel good, I don't like you, I don't like anyone. It's hot, I'm cold. Get yourself checked. Do yourself a favor. Before you do anything drastic, make sure that you're on point and give yourself some time to equalize. Speaker 1 (13:46) Find your harmony with yourself, with your family, with your friends. Speaker 3 (13:51) And I wanna talk about Harmony. And we are going, we actually are gonna have somebody come on that can talk to us about hormones and some natural therapies. And we figured that would be good because there's been some of our friends that are talking about that. But I actually wanna go back just for a second because you said something Natalie, and you do get very passionate about this. I believe you brought it up, maybe not on the last dating episode, but another time. You know, you're married and your single friends are wanting to go out. Well, being married so long and when Kelly lost her husband, I know you're like, what are you about to say? Kelly lost, unfortunately, Lance, and we were together all the time. I was trying to be supportive of you. My husband was super supportive. He lost a dear friend. It was just, it was overall terrible. And when Stella got her groove back, Kelly got her groove back and started dating. our relationship took a strain. I don't want to say in a bad way, it's just that I didn't want to go out to the clubs. I didn't want to go out where everybody was at and so we were not during that time as close. We were still there for each other. We sure did But we didn't lose our friendship. There are literally friendships that break up because of a marriage that breaks up and then you wonder How strong is that friendship anyway? And as nerdy as I am, and I always like to bring it back to communication, how much are you actually communicating with your friends? How often are you picking up the phone, not just texting them, and you're having true conversations, and then they know these things about you, and while you may not want to go out to the club or go out while they're doing these dates and you feel like you're missing out, you can still be supportive of that person to see who they're with and get to know that person whenever they want to. to bring them around. But there's a big, there's a lot of loss that happens, Natalie, and I don't know if you can relate to this, but there's a lot of loss that happens between friends, not just a marriage. Like you, and again, I haven't been through it. I have seen it happen. Speaker 2 (15:41) No, yeah, absolutely. So your friends will direct you too. So guard your friends. Like if they're asking you to go out all the time and they're shaming you because you're not going out because you're in a relationship or vice versa, you're the one that's shaming somebody. Girl, put your big girl panties on and go make some new friends. It's not time to force somebody to go out and be your wingman when they're married. That's not the place for them. You should always support the sanctity of family and marriage even if the... husband isn't perfect like you'd like. Nobody's perfect and we all go through our growing phases and that's really where you gotta have those tough conversations and set those boundaries in a relationship. Sometimes people just want their spouse or significant other to be happy and they don't set those boundaries and that's where it's okay to have those boundaries and let them know. When I was dating, so I was married with my ex for 20-something years for a long time, my four kids with him. And when I became single, it was when Natalie got her groove back or whatever you want to call it. Everybody goes through that phase of a year. It's almost like a ho phase and I don't want to call it that because I more class than that. But they go through this phase where they're just sampling, they're tasting, they're dating. And it got to the point to where my dates were coffee dates. I just didn't like people. I didn't like what I was seeing. I mean, I had a meth addict. I'm like, why did his wife with a newborn divorce him? What's going on? And some of the stuff that he was texting, I'm like, What do you want? Like block. From somebody who was so nervous, like he, I was in a singles Facebook group. He called me out, took me to Five Guys. Like we went and just met at Five Guys to have a hamburger. And the guy was so anxious. He didn't eat, but he smelled of alcohol. You know, it's like, there's a reason you have your disclosure, your disclosure, your list or your, make sure your list isn't superficial because I think if I would have kept my list, like to the tee, then I wouldn't be with the guy that I'm with now. And like one of the things is I didn't say taller than me, but I always, had a motto like six, six, two or over. You know, so whenever I met my, my now boyfriend and also no alcoholics, like no drugs, no this, my boyfriend was lit. Like I can't say how lit he was. He was so lit. He didn't realize we were talking on Bumble. And I was like, you're, and he's like, yeah. And I'm like, Okay, because back like, yeah, we're talking. was like, no shit, Sherlock. I'm so over you. And then it was the end of the night. And it was I love to dance. I love to go country and Western dancing and we're at the dance hall. And I'm looking over and all my guy friends because it's a singles group that was on Facebook. It was really fun. We had a prom we had a lot of us. So when you show up, you didn't you had people who were in the same phase of life that you could go hang out with. And so I had all my girlfriends and stuff, but it was the end of the night and I wanted to dance one more time. And I'm looking around and all the guys that are my guy friends were like holding the bar up like, oh, and I'm like, they can't even stand up. Who's going to be holding who, dance and wear. And so then there was, there was Brian just standing there straight up and like sobered up, whatever. I don't know. was, you know, a couple of hours later and I'm like, do you want to dance? So I asked him, he's like, sure. And we dance and then we get off the dance floor and he's like, feels good to be touched. It was kind of weird. Like to me, I'm like, okay, that's weird. Then the next night I go out and he was at the same place I was there. So we started running into each other and we actually spoke there versus just texting. And we had so many parallels in life, so much that it was just like, my kids ran cross-country. Mine did too. Mine played basketball. Mine did too. Like I lived in this neighborhood. I did too. It was like, wait a minute. did... did, you my kid was president of the PT, not the PT, what is the kid? Student council. His wife was a teacher there. So going through all that, it was like, wow, that was, that was interesting. We had a lot more in common. if day one, I judged him for his moment when he's going through growth and he's trying to find himself through his divorce time and everything. And I would have missed out on somebody very good. Now I'm the alcoholic in the relationship and he's the sober one. really? Cheers to that! Let's go! no, and I'm not really an alcoholic. I just enjoy a beverage with my... Speaker 3 (19:47) We're toasting to that. We're toasting to the joke. Speaker 1 (19:49) What you're saying reminds me of a story where I had a very good friend. She and I were such great friends and we had a mutual friend and he had been married a couple of times. He was an attorney and he started showing some interest in her and she said and he said, hey, you know. Let's can you introduce me to her? I said well you already know her he said you know what I mean. I said okay, so I told her I said hey so-and-so wants to go out she said what no He is such a player and this and that and I told her I said Everyone is a player until they meet the right one and then it's like it just shifts and Sure enough. She said he and I both wore her down like just just go Just do it. You could be you could be his saving grace. And she did. And she was. And they have now been married. Oh gosh, maybe 15 years, something, 20 years. Speaker 2 (20:50) to change somebody though. Let me lay that out. If you think you're going to go in and change somebody, don't. Speaker 1 (20:55) she did not go into it with the desire to change him. I think he was looking for a change in the type of people that he'd gone out with. And who he'd gone out with, he was an attorney. She was very smart. She worked at a Dow for years, very intelligent. I just don't know of all those years. He just hadn't met someone that... Speaker 3 (21:16) Hey Speaker 1 (21:18) connected with on so many levels, not just the physical, they're both very beautiful people, physically, emotionally, spiritually, but for him and for her both, it was that intellectual component. And she had dated a guy that they got along great and they were both good looking and he was a gym rat. That's where they met at the gym. And at end of the day, she said, I can't carry on a conversation with him. It's all about creatine and sports drinks. She's like. Yeah, no. And I think the same for her now husband. And so when they finally got together, they actually had some really good, deep, meaningful conversations that weren't about just, hey, what'd have for lunch today? It was, you know, not so much politics, but just what are their thoughts and their philosophies? they each had kids and everything, and they just connected, and it was just wonderful. And she told me, she said, if I had just gone off of my first impression of what his reputation was like. And maybe not what she saw, but what she heard. She may have never met the person that has just really made her life amazing and vice versa. I guess on that note, what I'm trying to say is you don't always want to judge someone by what other people have said, what your other friends have said. You need to give everyone the chance because you want them to give you the chance because that man might be the one that changes you. So. Speaker 2 (22:37) Well, and I think you say something very profound in that, you know, it's like you, let them show you who they are. Like if there's an interest, like, OK, maybe in a friend way, like hang around with other friends and see what that's like, see if there's any kind of conversation that goes on and let them show you who you are, because they will show you like trust, but verify kind of thing. Like if there if there's anything and then if they've shown you twice who they are, cheating or something like it. Speaker 3 (23:04) So you say that and I have seen through different girlfriends and girlfriends that have daughters and sons that have dated where they make excuses for them. you're constantly having to make an excuse, well this and well that, well he's such a nice guy, well she's such a nice person and you're always having to give that excuse or Speaker 1 (23:26) She doesn't always dress like a hoe. Speaker 3 (23:28) know, whatever it is, if you find yourself making that excuse, if you're dating right now and you, I mean, maybe the person is a tall drink of water that you love looking at, but it's like, are you going to have fulfillment with that person for hopefully what is the rest of your days? You know, is that person, what was that movie where they went to bed holding hands and they passed away together? You know, maybe that's not what you want from your spouse. That's what I want from mine. I hope that I can go grow old with him and he's that person at the end of it all where I'm there with him. And if you're making those excuses because they have money or they look good or there's something that you want from them and you have good times, maybe they're physically abusive to you. Maybe they are verbally abusive to you. Maybe they put you in the corner and only bring you out and you don't realize, well, maybe they're living a double life. All this stuff happens. So the biggest red flag that I would like to put out there as an observer in what I'm seeing. Speaker 1 (24:16) It happens. Speaker 3 (24:24) making excuses constantly, whether it's you doing it or somebody that you know. If you start to have a keen ear for that, there's more going on and you might be able to be that person that can help that person out or you might start paying attention today going, you know what, I am worth more because you know what, you are worth more. Speaker 2 (24:42) Yeah, I'll say that the lack of respect. think if you see it like I saw so many looking back What I tell myself like this is one of those okay philosophical questions Would you go back if you could go back in time? Would you change it? I have four beautiful kids. I love my kids to death I know I went down this journey for a reason but marriage is so So real, like I don't know how to say it, like that is, it is a bond that God brings together and to rip that apart, like I've even called Brian crying about my marriage, not because I'm upset because I divorced, I went through with it wholeheartedly believing I did the right thing I had to do for my family and for myself and my sanity. But the thing that about it is such a sanctity, like that God joins together that for me, like, I ignored red flags. I ignored things that were just like, why? Why did I do this? Why did I like, why didn't I stop? There was a time I sat out on the curb on my bachelor at party while he was at his bachelor party and friends were like, girl, we got you. Whatever you do, we're supporting you. And I'm like, but the good times. But we had good times. We had funny times. He was funny, funny, funny. Always made people laugh. And sometimes it was at my expense. You know, there's things that go on and things that happen that you sit there and you know in your heart you're with the wrong person. I'm going to tell you now it's harder when you have kids. It's harder when you're down the road than it is to do it now. Have enough love of yourself and enough understanding. Maybe you don't have enough experiences. I didn't have a relationship modeled for me. I was from a single parent household. Like my mom raised me. I met my dad. We've discussed this when I was older. So I didn't see a loving relationship, what that was. I saw an abusive relationship where my aunt was abused by her husband and I've called the cops on him, you know, and saw things that I shouldn't have to see. But everybody has a story and everybody has to live it. And I didn't have enough modeling to see what a good relationship was like. So as your auntie, Auntie Natalie is going to tell you. If you are in that situation and you see those red flags that you know are going on, they're showing you time in and time out who they are, believe them. Believe it. Believe them. Speaker 1 (27:01) believe it and reach out to your girlfriends and if your girlfriends are those that are unfortunately a little bit superficial and they don't understand it, reach out to your church, reach out to a support group. These days there are so many support groups you can look what you can you know I hate people that wear purple support groups I mean whatever it is. Speaker 2 (27:18) Is there one of those? There might be. I'm sorry if you like purple. I'm just... Speaker 1 (27:20) Bye! just saying that for you, if you feel like you are just circling the drain, but you stay because you feel like you don't have any other options, don't know who to talk to, talk to someone who can be objective. Our friends cannot always be objective. Right. Speaker 2 (27:36) Well, and we don't always tell them the whole truth. Stop lying to yourself, stop lying to your friends, stop skewing things, and also stop running to everybody on everything. Unless it's big. Because so many times we gossip to our little friends. Sorry y'all aren't little. Sometimes we gossip to our friends about our situation or what's going on, and we're saying a one-sided story, but I can tell you, mamas don't forget. And aunties don't forget the story of how he treated you wrong or how she treated you wrong. So be, I'm just waiting for time to drop the seagulls. All these beautiful seagulls are flying over us. You know, pelicans. See, I'm not, I'm from up north. So, but the point is give full stories and if you're going to talk about it, be prepared for your family to invest in it unless you're going to that girlfriend that you can go to that you trust. Speaker 3 (28:07) Those are pelicans. Speaker 1 (28:12) Canada Speaker 2 (28:22) And if you don't have a girlfriend like that, find a girlfriend like that, that you can be real and honest with each other without being defensive. I think that that's, know, like so many times we want to paint ourselves in the better light that we forget the bigger picture and how that's damaging relationships and what that's planning and you that's getting fostered or you it's getting fostered when we're not real with ourselves. Like, yeah, like Mindy said it, she said it, that, you know, I should have handled that better or I should have, you know, not gone on my war path. So be real with yourself. Speaker 1 (28:52) It's hard to be that friend that just hits you between the eyes and say, Natalie, Mindy, guess what? You handle that so badly because you want to get mad, you want to get upset, but then at the end of the day you're like, you know what, wow, thank you for calling me out. Because that's a true friend. And sometimes it's hard to hear that. If they call me and say, you know, I don't know what you're thinking, but that was stupid. And you get defensive and, but. when you can really honestly step back and think, wow. So it's important to have those friends in your corner that are real with you and that will tell you 100 % what their objective opinion is. But keep in mind, their opinion is not the only opinion and it may not be the right answer. So if you just feel like you're kind of, like I said, circling that drain. reach out and find that support system that is going to help you get through those tough times, or not even the tough times, just the chaotic times of life. mean, my goodness. Speaker 2 (29:49) think the thing to look out for your friends too because if you've got a trifling friend, cut them off. Like put them in their box. Like don't share so much with them. Like don't just, you can keep them where you need to keep them at arm's length. If they're not coming from a place of love when they're coming to you, everybody has a motive. Everybody has a motive that they're working an angle. They want to do this. They want to do that. They want something for you out of your life. And so if you keep that perspective, what glasses are they looking through your situation with? And as long as they're coming at it with love and you put on your perspective too, like if they're wanting to keep you together, or if they're wanting you to get rid of that loser and date their brother, or whatever the situation is. Be realistic with yourself and just know that it's okay to set boundaries too. It's okay to distance yourself from the friend. It's okay to not always respond to that text. It's okay to say, you know, I'm busy right now. I'm going to go on a date with my significant other. Or it's okay to distance yourself from the person you're with that you shouldn't be with that you know. Like, okay, let me start stepping it back. Let me dial it back and see what that looks like. You know, when we talk about dating, is one of those things that it's so different for everybody and everybody has their own journey and story. But if they're showing you, just know. So let's let's be real with ourselves. Let's be real with our relationships. Let's be honest and let's call out the red flags and keep ourselves in check. Because if you're going down the wrong path, it doesn't get any easier down the road. And if you're dating, it doesn't have to be serious. Just have fun with it. You're learning yourself. They're learning themselves. Keep your your little checklist, your your box, your what's it called? Your I don't know your check the box. You're quite. Yeah. Check the boxes. Your requirements. Be sure to put that by the wayside and just kind of sometimes you need to allow somebody in your life that'll be different, kind of like the attorney that had somebody else come in that allowed them to be different and change themselves and then let them show you. But with that being said, we want to say cheers to you. Cheers to you. Thanks for listening to Sugar, Spice and Spirits. Be sure to like, subscribe, share with your friends if you like this episode or if you have a show idea you want us to do, go to sugarspiceandspirits.com. Spill the tea. We'd love to hear from you.