Keeping Up With the Joneses

Speaker 2 (00:36) Hey everyone, this is Kelly with sugar spice and spirits along with Mindy and Natalie and if you must know this is our third date because I can't keep these two in line today. It's Friday Whoo, they are online. So spicy Speaker 3 (00:51) today. Speaker 2 (00:51) Spicy they are we are yeah, I can't see my shirt too short anyway. We are coming to you live from Natalie's flip house today So for those of you who want any advice and reference to real estate and flipping and all the great things that go into investing She's your girl So give her a call give her a shout if you'd like to I'm gonna start off today with the drink of my choice And I don't know why I chose it. I just like it It's kind of refreshing. It's a salty dog, probably because myself and my cohorts are a little bit salty every once in a while. It's made with gin, which not many people like gin, but some like vodka. But it is our sip of the day. And so I hope you like it. got your vitamin C fruit juices in it. Cheers. Speaker 3 (01:39) Cheers everybody, let's taste it. Speaker 2 (01:46) or you can just drink it. And the salt. I know you typically don't put salt, right? Speaker 3 (01:48) I was getting the salt But I don't put salt on my margaritas, but salt on that salty dog is good. Speaker 2 (01:57) Alright, so we have finished our sip of the day. Now we're going to dive into the main dish, which actually the topic today comes from one of our listeners, Stephanie Novak. So thank you, Stephanie, for listening and giving us this topic. it actually came from a conversation that I think they were either having around the water cooler at work or maybe they were at lunch or something. But she and some of her coworkers were talking about kind of the facade of social media. and how a lot of times what we see out there is this perfect world. the perfect face, the perfect clothes, the perfect house, the perfect family, and they put all this out there, but if you were one of those that are actually privy to behind the scenes, you realize that it's really not exactly as wonderful as they make it seem. And I think one of the things that we... kind of talk about is the fact that we're all kind of sometimes sucked into these, the social media, the celebrity, the influencers who say, if you buy my product, if you invest in this, if you do that, you're gonna have this perfect life like I do. And it's almost kind of like you wanna keep up with the Joneses. just so you guys know, very rarely do we follow scripts. And when Stephanie brought this topic to us, I was really kind of surprised how much there is out there. I because we always start to research what we're going to bring to the table. And I had a lot of notes. I was, like I said, I really kind of surprised on how much there is that talks about how leading this false life leads to depression because you overspend and you do all these things to kind of help you keep up with with this persona that you want to live your life like that person or like that family and you want to travel. Maybe you're not the richest one in the group, but you want to keep up and go and do and you spend and spend and spend and you end up in all this debt and all these kinds of things. And the big question is, do we do that? I mean, I'm guilty. I'm sometimes guilty of wanting to have the next best thing and being sometimes afraid to show up and maybe not showing up like you want to. what are you guys thoughts on all of that? We've all worked in industries that are very high dollar and yeah, it's tough to keep up with sometimes. So what are your thoughts? Speaker 3 (04:23) It's always been there. The Keeping Up With The Joneses has always been there. You wanna feel like you fit in. But social media makes it so much worse. Social media puts everything in a vacuum and most often, most people, not everyone, that's why I say most, are showing only the highlight reel. They're showing only what is beautiful and the photos of their family and the photos of their success. They're not showing when they're falling on their face and they're crying in the corner and they're dealing with so many things that they don't wanna put out So social media typically only shows the best side of things and then everybody's seeing that and so they're thinking you have the perfect life, you have the perfect marriage, you have the perfect kids, you have the perfect vacations, you have the perfect job and that makes it even harder and so I think when you do get together with your friends that maybe you're not super connected with and they don't know you intimately, you try to put on a facade to fit in instead of just genuinely being yourself. And I can say there have been times in my life where I've been in maybe a more affluent position than some of the friends that I have. And I respect the friends that I have so much more for showing up for who they are, not trying to be anybody else, and also feeling like around me, they don't have to be someone else. I also can remember growing up in the generation of fake it till you make it. And you wanna be with those people and like those people, then you surround yourself with those people. but then there's huge pressure to act as if you fit in. And I think if we looked at Kelly, a number of successful people, did. Kelly, if we look, that's not what I meant. If you came across that way, that's not what I meant. Speaker 1 (05:57) It's a tick Kelly. No Speaker 3 (06:03) Natalie, so if you look at people and you actually see successful individuals, they did bet on themselves and maybe they did have some sort of facade when it came to business and trying to present themselves in a way so that they could become more successful. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. A of successful people who have put themselves in that position, but when it comes to our friends and Speaker 2 (06:22) at all. know a lot. Speaker 3 (06:28) feeling like you have to be somebody else. If your friends don't like you for who you are, you might need a new group of friends. now I'm super curious. Speaker 2 (06:35) Well, I haven't forbid if your friends call you out because if you recall one of our previous podcasts, which I think is where Stephanie got this was on authenticity, being your authentic self. And when you sit there and you put something out there and you you're talking about how wonderful your marriage is and everything, but your friends know that you're secretly filing for divorce. I mean, it may not happen personally, but a lot of times it happens in the celebrity world. I mean, you're totally going against your authentic self. And with your authentic self comes a lot of trust and distrust. When you're not being who you say you want to be and who you are, then you end up really putting out just the wrong signal and the wrong message to those that you may end up having to depend on because then they're wondering, are you really who you say you are? Because what you put out there on social media is not the person that I see every single day. know, mean, it's, go ahead. Speaker 1 (07:31) So Mindy took a lot of my quotes. think she was reading my notes ahead of time, but other than that, highlight reel definitely. Speaker 3 (07:37) What I heard is she agrees with me y'all. Let's spark this right now. Speaker 1 (07:41) So if you run into somebody at the grocery store and you're like, hey, Susie, how are you doing? They're not gonna dump a load of shit on you, okay? They're gonna be very, very like, everything's great, Tyler's off at college, you know, we're just doing fantastic, everything is wonderful. Now if they dump on you, hug them and take that for what it's worth and show empathy and be a true friend and maybe go have dinner or something like that. But nine times out of ten, just gonna be like, everything's fantastic, everything's great, you know, even if they're going through some huge trial, tribulation, illness, whatever. That's what they're going to portray because it's a quick passing. Now to your quarter friends, the friends that are worth a quarter, that's who you're going to have those more intimate conversations. Like Mindy and Kelly heard my fuck you fight that I had this week. It was a very intense fight with my significant other and it was not a nice one. And I don't think we've ever fought like that, but with the pressure of everything that's going on, it was a very real and raw thing. But I'm not going to go on social media and post my F you fight like, Hey, because that's some that's private but I'm sharing with you because it's something that's real and we're talking about it because my social is really like a highlight real hey let's celebrate this hey let's talk about this or hey I'm thinking about this like what are your thoughts and that's kind of the way the way that it is for me it's not airing my dirty laundry or airing anything that's going on unless I do have a dilemma or something like that I'll post for opinions and thoughts and to get other people's thoughts. Now when we talk about fake it till you make it, I'm all about faking till you make it, setting those goals, expounding and growing and doing. And when you do that, you may not be the authentic self to those friends that knew you from the hood, but as you're growing and you're shedding, you're expounding who you are, you're creating and developing a new you. And so through that process, it's like you're shedding. It's like you're a snake that's growing. And I don't mean to use the metaphor snake, but because you are shedding who you once were and what people knew you as then your new quarter friends or your new friends that you're developing along the way on your goals. We'll see for who your arbitrary old friends will remember that time you went down to the grocery store and stole that candy bar or whatever. So. Speaker 3 (09:56) You know what, real quick talking about friends and different things too, you sometimes do have so much pressure and you worry because this friend group here, what are they going to think? You're going outside your comfort zone. Speaker 2 (10:06) And if you're Speaker 3 (10:06) Your friends also aren't supporting you. What's so sad, and we did an episode about this. I don't think we've launched it yet, but no we did we did about Shining shining some light on somebody else isn't gonna dim your own right right But I have seen through different people that I'm working with and that I'm coaching and even personally Where sometimes your closest friends are the ones that are saying the worst things behind your back as you're trying to figure it out But then all of sudden when you've made it they're your biggest fans Yeah, they weren't really there for you before that, but they want to show up when you've made And that's kind of terrible. Speaker 1 (10:39) heartening. Because you think, yeah, I completely feel that. I feel that. Speaker 2 (10:43) Well, I think on some level it's okay, like you said, it's very much okay. A lot of times when people say, hey, how are you, they really don't want to know how you are. They're just trying to make small things. It's rhetorical. It's like, how are Speaker 1 (10:57) When I ask how you're doing I want to know how you're doing Speaker 2 (11:02) You are a rarity. think about those that for whatever reason, they put that stress on themselves of maybe their situation isn't that great, but they see their best friend's situation and it's so wonderful. And all of a sudden they become envious and they strive to be like that person and all of a sudden they're overspending. I don't disagree with you know, keeping your social media platform and your messages positive because again, that's one of the problems, that's one of the reasons why I don't like to watch the news at night because there's nothing happy on there. I mean, it's always who did what to whom and who's dead and it's just a negative field around you. But you know, we look at TikTok and we look at Instagram because they're funny and they make us laugh and we need that after the last couple of days that we've had in this country. But when you look at the overall picture of the amount of stress that it puts on people because they feel like they can't measure up to maybe their peers or their coworkers or that person they strive to be. How many people have you seen that have all this plastic surgery because they want to look like, remember the girl that wanted look like Barbie? Oh. I mean it was horrible, it was horrible. Speaker 1 (12:22) Or the cat. Speaker 2 (12:28) Again, I try to follow up with some stats and one of these one that says that 32 % of adults 62 % of Gen Z feel pressured just to keep up that came from from came from lending tree There's a lot of overspending and debt 51 % overspend to impress their friends 56 % of those end up in worse debt than they started. I mean out of social media pressure You know, 65 % of Gen Z feel compelled to buy unnecessary things due to social media. I mean, how many of you buy stuff off of TikTok and you know, oh, I got stuff from the TikTok store. Guilty. I love it. I love it. I mean, it makes me feel better. And fortunately, I'm at a point in my life where I don't spend if I don't have it. But I can't say that I've always been there. Speaker 3 (13:11) It does. Speaker 2 (13:21) I mean, I've always overspent. I've always been upside down in certain situations and now I just make it a point not to be because I'm kind of ready to retire and I want to be. Speaker 3 (13:31) We don't go to the Galleria like we used to. No, we don't. Speaker 1 (13:35) see you on America's trips anymore. I have never been to Nieman Marcus Speaker 2 (13:39) But you also think about what our teens and our children have to go through. If you are a person who maybe you're not in the higher financial class and your child may not have the top of the line clothes that the other kids wear. It all circles back around to the bullying and everything and being accepted by society and trying to keep up. I've seen parents that have gone out and bought so much for their kids that they end up getting their lights turned off. A girl that used to work with me, I can't tell you how many times she would come and ask for assistance with her electric bill because she had to buy her daughter a prom dress. And it's like, part of me, just want to get so angry. And the other part of me is like, I kind of get it. But, you know, I mean, she didn't want her kids to suffer, but that also wasn't teaching her kids anything. Speaker 3 (14:35) That hurts my heart and that's a really, really heavy subject and could be a podcast topic all on its own. The one thing that you said, Kelly, that I want to make sure I put out there is that because there is this facade on social media that life is grand if you do this or do that, or it's just the keeping up with the Joneses, is having those conversations with your children and letting them know while this looks like their life is perfect, it may not be. And then they may open up and say, you know what, mom, I know Tommy and Susie are going through this and so I do understand that but if you don't have that conversation with your kids to say everything you see on social media it might be true in that moment for what they're doing but that may not be a representation of their actual life and what they're dealing with and social media tends to be that highlight reel and so having those deep conversations and I'm literally sitting here thinking about it with my boys I don't know if I ever said that I don't I don't necessarily think it was ever a problem, but I'm literally thinking, my kids are a little older now. I'm like, wow, did I miss out on an opportunity? Should I have done that? Or because they are a little bit older, now social media is so much in your face. So my boys are 19 and one's almost 23 next month. I think having those conversations, you've got a nine year old. Speaker 2 (15:53) I don't know. Speaker 1 (15:56) Yeah, so we didn't we don't do designer clothes really in the house. That's not one of the things we do. didn't I wasn't raised with designer clothes being raised with a single mom. I had hand-me-downs from my cousin who was a boy that included his underwear at one point. I'm like what am I supposed to do with these? yeah. Bling Speaker 3 (16:20) You take two and they're tied. I'm about to say something. You said that and I remember one of my girlfriends, she found out they had all these clothes and she just knew they were having a boy and they had all this and so they didn't have the money to go and do anything else with them so they had a party. Everybody came over and they sewed bows and you know all they blinged them out and did all this stuff because they couldn't go re-buy. they thought they were told it was a boy. And then whenever they actually had the baby, it came out a girl, they're like, what are we doing? like, don't stress over this. This is what you do. So going back to your boy underwear, what did you do? Speaker 1 (16:53) I wore them But I didn't have, you know, like I grew up in West Texas. I had to check the outhouse for snakes sometimes. So, know, Alpine, Texas is a little town and Tirligua and Lajitas on the way between. So there's, there's a story there, but we didn't have a lot. When I moved and I met my dad, and I've shared that story previously, I remember going grocery shopping with my stepmom and my father. And I grabbed like the malt-o-mill bag of cereal and I put that in the cart, right? And my stepmom threw that back and said, we don't buy generic. And I was like, what's generic? Like, what did I do? What's wrong with malt-o-mill? I don't understand. And so I just was never raised in that kind of environment. I didn't. Speaker 3 (17:36) was small toenail generic? That's cream of wheat? Are those the same thing? Speaker 2 (17:38) because what I had at the house. Speaker 1 (17:42) I guess with the bag, she was like, we're not buying bagged cereal. And I was like, oh, okay. But you know, we didn't have that. Now Paxton, because he's got older brothers and sisters, being Paxton is my bonus. He is starting to like certain things. He's definitely has a style. He has his hair permed. He's got a little mushroom top. But everything he likes is more like soccer. and stylish from like his sister styling him. So and it's not a name brand, but it's a style. But I do see pressure from people trying to keep up with people. it's, it's you're doing a disservice to your family by pushing the family vacations every year. If you have to miss one, you have to miss one. Have those conversations, do a staycation, make it fun and be intentional. We've talked about that too. But I do know that there's that society pressure, and especially the wealthier you are, when you're so poor, people just don't even care, right? You're just, like you said, trying to keep the lights on. I remember when the lights got cut off and my grandparents came and brought me to Houston. So I remember these stories. Like when I say I was poor, I was poor. But I was loved. So there's a difference there. Speaker 2 (18:54) There's a huge correlation between, and we always say, keeping up with the Joneses, but even for our young kids, there's an increased noted ability to not be able to cope with it. And so a lot of times you end up having depression and anxiety because you're working so hard to keep up that, you all these teens and all these Gen Zs that are trying to keep up with, you well my friend, we graduated at the same time, why are they so much further ahead of me financially? Why do they live in the big house on the hill? And why am I still over here? And I'm so embarrassed to go see them at the class reunion, because maybe I'm not doing as well as them, that there is so much anxiety and so much depression that goes into it, that it really ends up, know, social media is fantastic to keep up with people, but it also is a huge downfall, because it makes you, If you're not okay with yourself and where you are in your accomplishments, then it can be a huge pitfall for you. And that's tough. Speaker 1 (19:53) where you got to raise your kids up with disappointment. Everything is not rosy. You're not going to get that baseball bat that you can hit 3000 yards with. You're going to get the baseball bat that you can hit 1000 yards with. Speaker 2 (20:03) No, no, no, I get that. Yeah, I get that. But sometimes it's not just kids. It's the parents. It's the parents that feel like they can't do right. So it's hard for you to educate your children when the problem is still within you. When you're still looking at your neighbors down the street that you went to high school with and you're ticked off at yourself because you can't keep up that parent. It's really hard to teach. Speaker 1 (20:22) That's one of the 10 commandments, stop coveting your neighbor's stuff, right? Speaker 3 (20:25) So it's not even like your, let's take it from that just down a notch, just a little bit to think, not even thinking about your neighbors. What I have seen is, you know, I remember my mom and dad lived above a gas station in a one bedroom, very stinky apartment. you know, and then moving. Speaker 1 (20:40) petro Speaker 3 (20:41) and like step by step getting better and better and then they got to a point where we were in a nice position, not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but just a nice blue collar family doing well. And we had everything we needed. There wasn't much that we wanted for if it made sense that they wouldn't get us. They didn't spoil us. So having that, as you know, I can remember my mom working when I was younger and then she got to a place where she didn't have to work and I was already a little bit older, I'm nine years older than my brother and things were a little bit different. She got to stay home. But then whenever Travis and I got married and started having kids wanting to provide more because we had a certain level of expectation that we were at. it's like we want to give our kids more. There's just something innate maybe not in everybody. But I will say in 95 % of the conversations that I've had with other parents, it's like, you know, we had it okay, or we had it good, or whatever, but we want to provide better. And I think every parent always wants to, maybe not every parent, but most parents want to provide more to their kids. And so there's just that not look at what your neighbor has. It's like, I want to level up for my children. There's something within them that makes them feel that way. So it's just innately hard. Speaker 2 (21:57) car. Speaker 1 (21:57) But I have family that cashed retirement to be able to get their senior, the ring, the ring, the high school ring that nobody ever wears. Like, I mean, just. Speaker 3 (22:07) I wouldn't let Gavin get it. I was like, you're not gonna wear it. He was mad at me and then he was like, mom, I'm so glad I didn't get that. Speaker 1 (22:12) I mean, it's like these things like, know, I understand wanting to do better for your kids. We all want to provide more for our kids and be better and raise them up to be better and be stronger. But I tell you, I've had tough conversations between job changes and everything else, investments that didn't make out, you know, like where I'm not batting a thousand at everything. So when you have those moments of failure, I share with my kids so that they can see that so that they learn and they grow from that. And they have a certain level of responsibility and understanding. I think I'm raising them to be good, young, productive citizens. But also their expectation is tapered by what they provide and what they do for themselves. Like it's not on me to provide a gift for them. But I've had to lean on them and say, hey, know, can you help me? Or can you, can you provide this or can you help with that? And I never wanted to be a single mom. That wasn't my goal as a Christian to ever be divorced. Five marriage counselors later, here I am. I think there's a beauty in that brokenness and that rawness and vulnerability with your family not cashing in your retirement and sacrificing. If you were to sit down with your kids and be like, I'd love to help you. However, it's not in the cards at this moment. We've got to still like we're 10 years out from retirement and we don't want you to have to have to take care of us. We want to be able to take care of ourselves. So this is where this is coming from. I can't, I can't pour into you anymore in this situation, but I'd love to watch you succeed and make it happen. And those are tough conversations, whether you're keeping up with the Joneses, whether you're providing more and better. But it's, we put the pressure, I think, on us more than our friends do. And if your friends are really pressuring about what you drive or what you do, it's like my car's paid off. I absolutely love having a paid off car and not having a car note. But then in the back of my mind, I'm like, Speaker 2 (23:58) you Speaker 1 (23:59) Would it be nicer to have the car with all the bells and whistles and electronics? I'm like, would it be nicer to be paying seven to a thousand dollars? No, I like my car, my car's great. So it's like those conversations internally that you have. I don't know, I think we need to give ourselves grace and have honest conversations within our family. know people like to keep stuff from their kids. That's how they end up divorcing kids. Like I never knew there was a problem. I don't think that's fair either. Speaker 2 (24:12) you Speaker 1 (24:23) I think respectful conversations within the family are important to help grow your family and keep them going. I know that might be a little off topic with the, the, I'm keeping up with the Joneses, but I do think the respectful empathy conversations. Speaker 2 (24:40) think it circles back around because if you're so focused on, like you said, keeping up with the Joneses that you lose sight of what's important with your values that you can't pass those on to your kids, then you're gonna wake up one day and your kids are gonna be having the exact same situation that you're having. Maybe they're struggling. And let's face it, we talk about, some of our past episodes, we talked about being authentic. We talk about it's okay to not be okay. If you're struggling, I mean, I can't tell you, if I've got a friend that comes up to me and I say, are you? And they look at me and they say, I'm really not that good. My first instinct is, what can I do? Or tell me. Because trust me, you were there for me when I was dealing with my late husband's illness. And I've had people tell me, my gosh, you're the strongest person. We know, you did this, how did you go through that? I'm like, There were times I didn't walk in my house and find me curled up in the middle of the ball, in the middle of floor like a ball, screaming and crying because I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want anyone to see that. People don't want to see, I don't want people to see my weaknesses and my vulnerability. But sometimes that's the only thing that made me sane and helped me survive was to allow my friends to see that I am not okay. Speaker 1 (26:00) gorgeous. Speaker 2 (26:06) And that is crucial. yes, maybe those people who, I mean, let's face it, when you sit there say, I've got 15,000 friends on Facebook, do you really? I don't know 15,000 people, but I can sit there and boast about, I've got so-and-so, this celebrity, really? Is it really the celebrity? See? Speaker 3 (26:24) We both Speaker 1 (26:25) Elon Mush friended me. Speaker 2 (26:29) See? that's what I'm saying. mean, we, it feels good. It makes us feel important. It makes us feel worthy and validated to be rubbing elbows with someone that we see as up here. And the next thing you know, they're in bankruptcy court because they don't have a dime to their name. And you're like, what, like what, what happened? And it's because their authentic self was kept behind wraps. and maybe to all of us, but your true friends are the ones that they really want to know what's going on with you. And it's really important for your own mental health and for your own self care to let's be real, let's be authentic, let's be truthful with ourself and let our kids know, let your friends know that it's okay to not be okay and seek that help. Speaker 1 (27:20) So this is where house Church comes in big too, because we're always with it. the three of us, we'll blow smoke up each other's butts sometimes. We'll be like, yeah, yeah, it's all good, all gravy. Other times we're like, what do you really think? Like, what'd you think of this or what'd you think of that? And we have no problem being honest with each other and being real. But in a house church environment or an environment where you can be around other people that aren't in your circle that you can still be vulnerable with, house church has everybody from the new family that's just starting out or they're engaged or they're single looking, all the way up to the elders that know the Bible front back scriptures and they're just great stand up wisdom. beyond, beyond. So it's always good to have people from different backgrounds and different ways to be able to pour into you and give insight and thought. And I don't think society really gives that and people go to social media for that when they're only getting like a glimpse or they people don't have all the information, but in a more intimate environment, whether it's, you know, going to a family function where you can pull across the cousin that you don't get to see all the time, or you can talk. to your elder uncle or somebody that really cares for you. And I really think that we don't do enough of those conversations. I spent so much time because my first car was a Grand Marquis when my dad died, I got it. And it blew the engine right away. It was already a knock-in, so the engine blew. So my uncle, God rest his soul, got me a Mercury, had an eight-track player, and this is in the 90s. Speaker 2 (28:54) you Speaker 1 (29:01) So I had an apartment my senior year of high school and my apartment was in the med center and I played basketball for Jersey Village. was UIL approved and everything so everybody I did follow the rules. So but I had to drive from the med center or the museum district. all the way to Jersey Village. And I still had a job, had the three jobs, but I was working at Benningans until like two in the morning and get up and drive to school in Jersey Village. My car broke down in the Galleria traffic and I'm sitting there with this mercury gold 8-track playing car, I don't even know. And I was just like... Speaker 2 (29:41) Bye. Speaker 1 (29:42) Okay, I didn't know what to do. I don't even remember. think a tow truck driver pulled me off. But then I got another vehicle and it was a Bronco 2 and I had a shift like it a standard. So I learned how to drive that in the bank parking lot from the lady I bought it from. And I just remember I went and took my car in to get the oil changed at the West U oil change in place. And they had me so flippin scared my car was gonna fall apart driving. called my uncle Larry and I said, Uncle Larry is like, my car's gonna fall apart, I don't know what to do. And he's like, drive it up here, baby girl, we'll get it taken care of. So I was like, okay. I learned how to replace my drive shaft, I learned how to replace my alternator, I learned how to do, and it wasn't the Bronco 2 that was breaking down, it was another vehicle after that. But I learned how to do all this stuff and all this work, and I got to spend so much time by calling my uncle and confiding in him. I don't know what else to do, I don't know who else to call, can you help me? We spent so much time together and had so many memories because I opened up to him and I said, hey, this is what I need. We'd go to the flea market. He would just get in his little Medusa truck. was some, I don't know, classy old truck that he had the wood bed that he like, he built the truck. Like it was a hodgepodge of stuff. But I learned how to work. I persevere. You know what I mean? Like it's just one of those, it's that grit thing. It's that just going through and doing. And so I guess, Speaker 2 (30:59) you Speaker 1 (31:08) Me, I was just too busy trying to live to not worry about keeping up with the Joneses, but I didn't want my kids to have everything handed to them, although they did go to private school for a while, they did have a lot of luxuries, but I still wanted them to know what the work was, what the effort was. Speaker 2 (31:25) lesson. mean yeah that's yeah I mean and those are those are great stories because it is is funny because let's face it you know our kids today if they thought for one second they had to get up and actually go turn the channel on the TV. Okay, we're staying like this. Speaker 1 (31:48) Do y'all ever lay in bed and just like, shit, we forgot to turn off the light? Just me? Speaker 2 (31:55) Normally I just go to sleep with the light on But no, it's, when you think about all this and you think about the downside of a lot of this, which is like I said, the mental health issues that it puts on you, the pressure of trying to keep up and how you want to be your authentic self. And we talk really big about self care. And self care is not let's go home and have a glass of wine and a mother bath. It sounds good though. No, sounds, no. it's worse. That's one aspect of self care. Speaker 3 (32:22) It's. Speaker 1 (32:26) care. Speaker 2 (32:27) But if you really want to dive deep into self-care, it's admitting that things aren't always going to be great. And seeking out that guidance and that help and that friend to talk to or the professional to talk to because being in that dark, deep place of feeling like you're stuck down in this dungeon of depression and you don't know how to get out, mean, that's a horrible feeling. And self-care is about recognizing that and finding a way to pull yourself out of that. And if it means you just have to remove yourself from trying to make yourself compare to those around you because it just Speaker 1 (33:09) social if that's doing that for you. Exactly. If you're feeling in a dark place, reach out for help. Call the suicide hotline. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. Don't trust strangers, AI, anything else with that. I will also say if you're a female or a male, get hormone replacement, figure out how you can be better. Magnesium is huge, especially with depression, take magnesium. And for me, I'm gonna say find a good Bible-based church because the Lord will deliver you and make you feel so much better and fill you in the voids that you have that you don't even realize you have what you're searching for. So that would be my points with that. But definitely get on your vitamins, magnesium, and then your vitamin Bs to help with that. Speaker 2 (33:54) Yeah, and and and surround yourself with other authentic people I mean Stephanie is is part of my little friend group. We call ourselves the bees and there's there's nine or ten of us, you know, given on if someone's there someone's not but You know these are friends who have been with each other for a long time we all went to school together and Some are there through thick and thin some of us are closer than others, but It's one of those, it's a no judgment zone and they're kind of like you guys. If you say something, they're like, really? Are you serious? But you know that you can trust people. And when you know that you can trust people, whether you have a large friend group or a small friend group, get that intimate group in it. Like if it's your church, if it's your counselor, whatever it could be. But look deep inside yourself, find what your spirit animal is and hold onto that and be true to yourself because at the end of the day, five years from now, those people that you're trying to keep up with, who knows where they're gonna be? And is it gonna matter? Speaker 1 (35:01) are gonna have to take care of because they don't have a retirement. Right. Their kids aren't gonna be set up for success because they don't even know what a retirement is. Right. And they're not gonna want to take care of you because they're selfish at that point. I'm sorry. Did I just say Speaker 2 (35:12) No, no, but that's true. But yeah, no, I mean it is, we can laugh about it because we all are guilty of wanting to have the next best thing and maybe on occasion you want to one-up your friend or something, but at the end of the day, I always say five years from now is the decision that I made today and all these dumb things that I'm doing today. Speaker 1 (35:16) what she said. Speaker 2 (35:38) Is it going to have a positive or negative effect on me, my friends, my family, my kids? And sometimes you just have to think about that. Because is it really that important, you know, all the money I've spent on these really crazy handbags and where are they? They're sitting in the corner because I don't use them. And I could kick myself sometimes. Speaker 3 (35:56) Yeah. Speaker 1 (35:57) I know we need a wrap, but let me add to this. This house that we're in right now, this flip is a lovely flip. The lady moved into senior living and the family, this house was full. China hutches everywhere, lots of nice furniture. The mom just left everything. There were three or four different sets of China in this home that was left that nobody wanted. So it got boxed up. I have a lot of vintage tools. just, you can't take your stuff with you. So those bags, You better find a place, you better bury them with you, you better do something with those bags because nobody's going to want them later. Speaker 3 (36:32) Well, she can resell those bags, but you know, before you wrap, just... So if you do find yourself looking on social media and seeing things that others have that you want or you're questioning yourself, just remember 90 % of what you see is just a tiny glimpse of what's actually happening. And as Natalie said, if you are finding yourself comparing yourself or in a bad place with depression or Speaker 2 (36:35) You wanna say that? Speaker 3 (37:00) I don't know, I don't know what you're personally going through. Talk to somebody, I think it's really important to do that. And just remember, half the stuff you see, it's just that tiny glimpse. Everybody's dealing with something and you never know who you reach out to. Also, they might be dealing with it and you can find a new friend and you can get over whatever it is that's troubling you at that time. Speaker 2 (37:19) No, but just, you know, everyone has a wonderful side of them and be happy for who you are and try to better yourself. And like I said, self-care is huge. And like Mindy said, just not everything you see and not everything you hear is really what it is. So Stephanie, great, great topic. And we kind of went off on a few little tangents. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. And you win the prize. Speaker 3 (37:44) Hey, cheers to Stephanie. Speaker 2 (37:49) I don't know what it is yet, but no, we appreciate those that listen and give us these thought-provoking topics because we love that because we have our own opinions and if by any chance you have something to add to this or maybe you want to throw us your own topic, we'd love to hear from you. You can subscribe to us at sugar spirits.com. Speaker 3 (38:10) to clarify one thing, is sugar spice and spirits.com. Speaker 2 (38:13) See? Tune into our menopause episode and you'll realize that Kelly had a senior moment. I didn't say sugar spies did I? I said sugar spirits? Speaker 3 (38:22) He said sugar spirit. Sugar Spice and spirits Speaker 2 (38:28)